Monday, April 4, 2011

Snarky and Darbs

Don't you just love those two words? I'm sure they appear listed in some dictionary somewhere on the planet, legitimizing their existence. I was introduced to these by two different, two wonderfully, two well-spoken very sophisticated ladies (all true!) in my life. And how fortunate for me I must add.

Oh! And trust me. You will find they are not only really quite useful in and of themselves but will most definitely add a touch of colorful 'spice', shall I say, to your descriptions and personal opinions. (Guaranteed to garner you 'extra' attention ~ much like the addition of yummy icing on a fresh slice of cake ~ when the absolute value of your truth and knowledge is clearly acknowledged your rapt audience.)

Definitions, as I learned them, are as follows:
Snarky: 1. to be snippy. 2. in a bad mood. 3. have no patience to deal with anyone
(people exhibiting this behavior have even been seen to narrow their eyes and/or curl their lip)

Darb: 1. some item you feel has no redeeming value. 2. some item you find particularly ugly. (when claiming this the speaker may well portray that definite 'ew' look on their face)

Say each out loud. Go ahead. No one is around. First, snarky Snnnaarky. Really draw out the 'n'. Next, darb. Daaarb. Emphasize the 'a' sound. Force it up out of your throat and down your tongue.

Now I want you to add both to your vocabulary and ... AND... I challenge each and every one of you to incorporate them into your conversations at once every single day.

Pssst! Just between us. They do so make such lasting impressions, don't you think?

I'm Melting....Melting......

Now I know how Margaret Hamilton felt as her wicked self began to get smaller and smaller. How did I miss my copy of the What To Expect When As You Grow Older Calendar??*#! Who publishes it and how did they forget me?? I am SOOOOO un-prepared.

Call me crazy but I thought this shrinking stuff was NOT going to happen now. Maybe in my 70's. I could gracefully accept that. But not in my 50's!! At my last physical and last female appointments I made both nurses re-measure my height because I was sure they had misread the mark. I'm still reeling. And complaining. And in shock.

I have always been the tallest female in my family. At 5'6" since my freshman year in high school I enjoyed being taller than a lot of women. Now? 5' 43/4"... FIVE FOUR AND THREE QUARTER ....AARGH! I cannot believe it.

This really, really sucks. Excuse the vernacular but that really describes how I feel. God, I am not happy. I count my blessings every single day. I am so thankful for my family, my health, my home, my job. No tsunamis. No tornadoes. No droughts or famine. No plagues. No nuclear contaminations. We can pay our bills. There's food on our table.

Still I am annoyed with another body change I personally feel should happen YEARS down the pike. Oh, well. No one ever listens to me and, so, I remain your ever faithful and loving Incredible Shrinking Woman.