Wickedly Fixated on Eugenia and Beatrice

Oh, my. Still shaking my head. In a matter of seconds these two young women became the laughingstock of this elegant, sophistocated wedding and fodder for an unimaginable amount of worldwide ugly, caustic facebook comments. One would hope someone -- like their father or their cousins or their grandmother or their friends or fashion industry stylist or a designer or a woman known for her fashion sense or the upstairs maid for goodness sake-- would have stepped in voicing an honest opinion and told these two "NO, you cannot wear that!! The designer is lying to you!"

Really?? All who attended were MAIN STAGE entertainment for the entire world and you choose to arrive in some blue, puffy poorly fitted costume (from designer Vivienne Westwood) that looks like an off-the-rack reject and next to you stands your sis who's wearing this thing on her forehead?? Staring at her Philip Teasy design, a myriad of comparisons jumped in my brain: an Egyptian queen headpiece a' la Cleopatra; Diana, roman goddess of the hunt with her signature crescent moon coronet; a laurel wreath and ribbon from some limestone war memorial. I know. I know. I am not being nice at all. But I am being honest. ("...a spaghetti O.."/ "...Sesame Street lesson on the letter O"../"...10 pts if you can throw something thru that hoop"../"...Cinderella's ugly stepsisters.." were a few of the comments I read today. Ouch.)

When they got out of the car I believe I heard a collective viewing audience gasp. I'm guessing budget was not a prohibitive factor for these women and one would think that one would want to be in the 'Fashion Icon' column as opposed to the 'Most Disastrous Fashion Faux Pas'. Seriously, I am hoping they fell in love with these get-ups and simply couldn't help themselves. At least that would be an understandable excuse. We've all bought a piece or two in our lives we look back on later with much chagrin.

Closing on a bright note: I did love Beatrice's Valentino-designed coat and shoes. Very tasteful and such a pretty shade. AND did you notice her new figure? She has done some extremely serious, disciplined weight loss and looked fantastic. Sincere kudos to the princess!

Ode to Sanity

took a shower tonight.

turned the pressure up and

let the spray beat on

my back.

stood still while

the hot water ran over my shoulders

then down to my toes

like a fluid, thermal blanket.

best therapy on the planet

this person could choose.

stayed so long

the hot water tank emptied.

really.

that was a first.

some would say i wasted

money.

others, water.

i say both are wrong.

best shower.

ever.

Virtual Aquarium -- No Fuss, No Mess, No Trouble!

We discovered the greatest computer fix-it guy ever through a friend and co-worker. Jon Roth, FiremanPC, makes house calls in addition to working out of an office. He is SO easy to talk to (hard to find in a geek sometimes), friendly in a down-to earth sweet and genuine way, answers my emails quickly. A true godsend.

When we upgraded the PC recently Jon loaded something we didn't order. A screen saver that is THE COOLEST thing on the planet: a virtual aquarium! My dad had a tank of tropical fish in our house when I was growing up. I remember the water changing/tank cleaning, the fish feeding, leakage, dead fish dredging.....etc etc.... and as an adult I've never been interested in having my own.

BUT what a fantastic surprise this app has been. I love looking at this everyday. The colors, the movement, the sound. Such the perfect alternative for us!! Here are the features:

1. A clear crystal slice nestled in the coral and rocks on the right side. Its face changes showing 4 phases- logo; day/date/time; clock face with current time including second hand; current month's calendar with date circled/digital clock.

2. Rock formation with lush, colorful coral clusters and mosses sprinkled about.

3. Bubbles rise in a constant plume at the back. You can turn up the volume to hear their sound just like a regular pump. (I love this -- makes it all the more 'real'!! I've gotten so used to it that I actually miss that subtle gurgling when it's not running.)

4. A starfish lives in and around the rocks and the aquarium floor. You can see the tentacles move and follow its progress as it travels around the tank.

5. The tropical fish are very colorful and swim at their leisure through the scene. All kinds and sizes. AND the mostest, coolest part is that you control the groups you want to see. You can set it so the same fish live in your tank =or= they can change!! After we use our computer and this screen saver reappears, we have it set so another whole group of fish appear. Keeps it interesting for sure! Their easy-paced gliding, their gracefully flowing fins provide a wonderful stress relieving ambiance.

6. The lighting effects change from sun-up/day to sundown/night. Interesting to watch how this changes the perspective from the viewer's vantage point 'outside' the tank.

We all know that simple things are the best things -- this relaxing, carefree animation is simple and an opportunity to treat yourself in an uncomplicated way. Enjoy!

Dr Ann Ansel, Regular Skin/Mole Checks and One Small Request

My dermatologist, Dr. Ann Ansel, removed 3 moles from my right leg in March, one just above my knee, two on the back of my calf. (I'm a veteran of these procedures -- I stopped counting after number 30. Yep. 30.) The first came off my breastbone area. Went black =snap!!= like that when I was in college. Most were easily shaved off, a few surgically removed and sutured.

Peeling off the BandAid the following morning, I assumed I would see the same old-same old. Wait a minute. I took a double take. Then shock set in: There was a DIVOT, a 1/4 deep hole, in the top of my leg. A true Kodak moment - I froze. In a flash I leaned over to rip the other two bandages off -- two more divots revealed. What the #@*?!

Thoughts started ricocheting off the brain walls -- WHAT??! Why did this happen??! Why didn't Ann tell me I'd see freakin' holes in my leg?!!? Do I have melanoma?? How long will the lab tests take?? What IF I have cancer?? She talked about taking 4 more off!! More divots!! This is going to take weeks to heal!?!

I look like I got shot point-blank with a nail gun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Writing about it now six weeks later: 1) I can report the holes have shrunk to indentations capped with scabs. (I have surprised myself by not picking at them. And I HATE scabs. Nasty, itchy patches. I pick at them. Always have. Somehow convinced myself this time that three ugly scars just weren't worth it.) And 2) The office called with the lab report results : two of the three were funky - oh, man - but Ann removed all three in their entirety so absolutely no problems. Gulp. Thank you, Lord.

Here's my mini lecture delivered straight from the heart: Take the time to observe your moles, discolorations, etc. PLEASE PLEASE never hesitate to pick up the phone and get an appointment if you have any sort/kind/inkling/feeling/question about your skin. Melanomas and basal cells are serious developments that can lead to death. Blunt truth. Don't be stupid or casual or dismissive. End of lecture. Go and check your skin. Yes, that means now!

(Psst!!! Dear God, I am so blessed all is well...but...there's just one little-bitty-tiny-thing --- Possible to do something about that scab thing?? Could we just somehow skip right over that step in the healing process? How about erasing them from the planet for ever and ever and ever? Really appreciate it if you would take take of this. Love, Julie)

Snarky and Darbs

Don't you just love those two words? I'm sure they appear listed in some dictionary somewhere on the planet, legitimizing their existence. I was introduced to these by two different, two wonderfully, two well-spoken very sophisticated ladies (all true!) in my life. And how fortunate for me I must add.

Oh! And trust me. You will find they are not only really quite useful in and of themselves but will most definitely add a touch of colorful 'spice', shall I say, to your descriptions and personal opinions. (Guaranteed to garner you 'extra' attention ~ much like the addition of yummy icing on a fresh slice of cake ~ when the absolute value of your truth and knowledge is clearly acknowledged your rapt audience.)

Definitions, as I learned them, are as follows:
Snarky: 1. to be snippy. 2. in a bad mood. 3. have no patience to deal with anyone
(people exhibiting this behavior have even been seen to narrow their eyes and/or curl their lip)

Darb: 1. some item you feel has no redeeming value. 2. some item you find particularly ugly. (when claiming this the speaker may well portray that definite 'ew' look on their face)

Say each out loud. Go ahead. No one is around. First, snarky Snnnaarky. Really draw out the 'n'. Next, darb. Daaarb. Emphasize the 'a' sound. Force it up out of your throat and down your tongue.

Now I want you to add both to your vocabulary and ... AND... I challenge each and every one of you to incorporate them into your conversations at once every single day.

Pssst! Just between us. They do so make such lasting impressions, don't you think?

I'm Melting....Melting......

Now I know how Margaret Hamilton felt as her wicked self began to get smaller and smaller. How did I miss my copy of the What To Expect When As You Grow Older Calendar??*#! Who publishes it and how did they forget me?? I am SOOOOO un-prepared.

Call me crazy but I thought this shrinking stuff was NOT going to happen now. Maybe in my 70's. I could gracefully accept that. But not in my 50's!! At my last physical and last female appointments I made both nurses re-measure my height because I was sure they had misread the mark. I'm still reeling. And complaining. And in shock.

I have always been the tallest female in my family. At 5'6" since my freshman year in high school I enjoyed being taller than a lot of women. Now? 5' 43/4"... FIVE FOUR AND THREE QUARTER ....AARGH! I cannot believe it.

This really, really sucks. Excuse the vernacular but that really describes how I feel. God, I am not happy. I count my blessings every single day. I am so thankful for my family, my health, my home, my job. No tsunamis. No tornadoes. No droughts or famine. No plagues. No nuclear contaminations. We can pay our bills. There's food on our table.

Still I am annoyed with another body change I personally feel should happen YEARS down the pike. Oh, well. No one ever listens to me and, so, I remain your ever faithful and loving Incredible Shrinking Woman.