Thought for the Day: We're All a Bunch of Crabs

This extremely deep, introspective, sophisticated ...... Ok, let me start over.

Actually the inspiration for this concept literally popped into my brain as I was listening to a friend describe her recent move to a new house. After immediately sharing my thought with her we both started laughing because it's TRUE!

Roll with me here for a second: Most of us have dressed in siblings' hand-me-down clothes or fun thrift store bargains which someone else wore; we move into a house someone else moved out of; we buy a used car someone else drove; we acquire an RV someone else used; etc etc etc (this is where you add your ideas...)

Now take the leap and picture this: It's like watching the crabs on Bowman's Beach. One crab dashes across the sand to a bigger hole previously dug by a fellow crustacean but no longer wanted. Another crab leaves its current shell 'home' and scrambles into an empty larger shell, taking possession by squatter's rights. The now newly abandoned smaller hole and shell get claimed quickly by two brand new tenants willing to take advantage of these unexpected opportunities. Right?

So let's review! Basically these creatures are all dashing around trying to: 1. make their lives better; 2. find more room, and, 3. get good deals.

Sound familiar?

5 Reasons NOT to Lean Over a Bathroom Sink

1. Watching in horror as a half pair of diamond stud earrings tumbles downward to join the rushing water disappearing into that deep, dark hole of a drain.

2. Having to bravely and gracefully endure your husband's creative and EXTREMELY colorful adjectives and nouns while he dismantles the U-pipe under the above mentioned sink to retrieve the aforementioned half pair of diamond stud earrings.

3. Standing at the kitchen counter writing a $233.70 check to the plumber for snaking the huge hair clog from the pipe which adjoins two bathroom sinks. SO not pretty.

4. Listening to the screeches of a woman in an airport restroom as she slaps at the side of the sink trying to stop the temporary crown which as fallen out of her mouth from going down the dr...oops, too late....

And, drumroll, last but not least: 5. Hearing a little awed voice talking to itself saying, "Cool! Just like Grandpa's." Peering around the door frame in time to hear the sound of metal scraping down the incline of the bowl. "Whatcha' doin'?" "Look! Pennies slide down just like my sled on Grandpa's hill." Great. Yeah, just great.

The *&@#!*?* Sports Bra

So last night was one of my wide-awake-why-lie-down-not-going-to-sleep nights. Husband went to bed and I stayed up to work on the computer. Perfect time to use my energy to get work I brought home from the store and some personal stuff accomplished.

About 1 o'clock am I put on my pj's. Strike that. About 1 o'clock am I TRIED to put on my pj's. Had my work-out clothes still on and I crossed my arms in front of my chest in order to grab the bottom of my sports bra to pull it up over my head. (This is my favorite one -- bright sunny yellow. Nike. Size Large -- I'm not that big BUT nevertheless it's what I bought thinking it would by more comfortable. And by the way, that label is a lie anyway.)

Brain said: LIFT. I tugged. 'Nuttin, honey. Not one tiny little budge. Tried again. The elastic band at the bottom flipped up. That was it.

So I'm standing there still with my arms crossed and I started to giggle. If this moment was videotaped I could just see it posted on YouTube under the "Woman Held Captive by Sports Bra" category. Guess if you can't laugh at yourself, you don't have the right to laugh at anyone else.

We can handle the mundane, the unexpected, the urgent, the obligations, the kids, the husband, the schedules without a blink of an eye. Yet here I was held hostage by spandex.

Won't you tell on yourself, below in 'Comments', a situation you found yourself in when your sense of humor came to your rescue? We can all smile together.

(And, yes, I got it off....after I quit laughing and could concentrate. FOCUS, girl! FOCUS!)

Guardian Angels

I pictured for years, when my husband traveled for business, an angel with a flaming sword sitting on our roof every night. Protecting. Keeping away evil. Battling any bad guys. I could sleep at night with a heavenly partner in my corner. Especially after our child was born.

When my son entered high school the intensity of the social culture kicked up a notch. Not so much the popularity pressure but other influences like alcohol. Drugs. Smoking. Sex. As a parent vigilance took on an intense new meaning. I asked for the Holy Spirit to protect my son. To re-enforce good decisions, right choices. Two names and faces appeared in my mind' eye: 'Frank' with glasses, short dishwater blond hair, thin, kind of geeky. 'Joe' -- darker/longer hair, brown eyes, very cool dude. (Guess our kid needed extra attention!)

During the college years I found myself praying even harder, relying on them all the more. All this sound weird? To you, maybe. To me? Absolute relief. Four years flew by. No calls from jail or the hospital.

We could look at this from a practical viewpoint. Strictly as an employment issue. Think of all the good souls now living in God's house. Their loyalty, faith, focus to duty are unquestionable making them excellent prospects for the millions of positions available. It's the perfect situation. Their talents partnered with the desperate need here on earth. Talk about a win-win.

So -- we're down to brass tacks. Do GA's exist? I haven't seen any. Nor talked to one. No correspondence has ever been exchanged. No fingerprints, footprints, etc etc. (... or wing-prints in this case) have been found in or around my house. No physical evidence. But that's what makes it feel so good. My faith alone unequivocally tells me they are here.

And that's all the proof I need.

Lutein, My New BFF

Last year's eye exam revealed the slight possibility of my developing Macular Degeneration. Scared the bejeebies out of me. Even the mere thought of living only with peripheral vision rocked my world. My optomitrist recommended spinach, blueberries and brewed tea all of which hold healthy natual suppliments for eyesight.

Those three components instantaneously became constant residents with reserved shelf space in our refrigerator. Each are eaten everyday without fail. (The thought of me eating spinach AT ALL is crazy enough -- my we--known hatred of this cooked vegetable has been replaced with a fantastic respect for its fresh form!!)

Fast forward to this year's annual visit. 1) Photographs showed NO CHANGE!!! 2) Suggestion made for eye vitamins -- containing Lutein. Eye vitamins?? What do you mean 'eye vitamins'?? Went straight to the nearest CVS. Read every label on every available brand (the employee stocking the shelves asked me twice if I needed help!). Chose one with 20mg. *Lutein is found in the macula. Deeper concentration of pigment is optimum for good eye health. Some studies also show a correlation between higher levels of this vitamin with lower risk for cataracts.

Some days I swear I'm turning blue. Or green. But considering the alternative --I don't care what color I am!

Intimidating Cook Top

Yep. I was bullied by the new, shiny, black Kenmore Elite recently installed in our kitchen.

I feel like all of you are members of my support group, currently sitting in metal fold-up chairs arranged in a circle. Ready to say, "Hi, Julie!" when I stand to introduce myself and clap when I publicly state my problem: I am scared of my cook top.

Doomed to fail from the start after reading the direction manual. DO NOT USE ANY PAN THAT DOES NOT FIT PROPERLY IN ONE OF THE CIRCLES ON YOUR COOK TOP. ALL POTS AND PANS MUST SIT ABSOLUTELY FLUSH ON THE SURFACE. MAKE SURE THE HANDLES ARE PROPERLY POSITIONED. CLEANING IS ESSENTIAL AFTER EACH USE. DO NOT DROP ANYTHING ON TO THE SURFACE AS MULTIPLE BREAKS MAY OCCUR."

I felt as if I had been lectured, rather loudly, and promptly smacked on the knuckles with a ruler by the time I had finished the last page.

Took me three days to finally boil a pot of water for my tea.

A Fractured-Kind-Of-Day

Ever have that kind? Where you feel pulled one way then another AND, on top of those, a third? You have all these 'things' you want to get done and just wish you had the time RIGHT NOW to do them once and for all? (the spectres of extreme agitation and overwhelming frustration hover very near....)

My list includes things like weeding out my recipe shelf; going thru the TALL stack of brochures we collected in JANUARY at a vacation and travel show; check out the intriguing websites I've torn out of magazines/hastily scribbled down; write more chapters for my books; actually finish a manuscript and work to get it published; call friends I need to catch up with; spend more quality time with my husband; and my family; clean out my files in the file cabinet. (You get the picture, I know, because you have one, too, don't ya?)

Part of my problem is I need to simply let go of 1/3 of them. They are not as important as I brainwash myself to believe they are. Done. Check

This evening I spent an hour and a half waiting for my car to be serviced. I took some work from my job that I have been carrying back and forth between my desk and home for over a week and got it done. A WEEK. What is my problem?? All finished. Check.

So. My mid-year resolution is to scratch off the unnecessary, the superfluous, the waste-of-timers. Focus my energy on getting a few done well. My hand is now reaching for the ON button of the CD player -- a little relaxation music, please, while I start making a MUCH shorter, fresh list of high priorities. And the first item at the very top of the list? "NO MORE LISTS!!!!!"